The Art of Trusting Yourself

Learning how to listen to your intuition and how to make the hard decisions.

One of the most heart breaking things you will ever have to do in life is make decisions that will absolutely devastate you, but are necessary for your growth. The reason why these decisions can be so challenging is because the right choice is usually one that doesn’t feel good in the moment, but is ultimately good for you in the long run. You will be faced with decisions like this on a regular basis, and knowing what the “right” choice is can be an incredibly difficult feat. I’ve experienced my fair share of these moments, and I can tell you that the agony and stress of it all is absolutely worth it, because each decision is a step toward the person you want to become, and the life you want to create for yourself. And no matter how excruciatingly painful it can be, you always manage to come out a much more resilient, wiser version of yourself who knows when to listen to that gut feeling and more importantly, how to tune into it.

Listening to yourself is a learned and necessary skill. But it’s not something we’re ever taught how to do. Our parents don’t talk about it when we’re growing up, and schools do not offer a crash course on “finding your inner wisdom”, though they totally should. From infancy, we are bombarded with different ideas and opinions of how we should think, feel, act, etc. We’re force-fed opinions about what we should do and who we should be. Our minds are full of preconceived notions and as a result, we learn to create false identities out of fear of being our truest selves and the judgment that comes with that. But knowing who you are, what you really want and making decisions based on that, is the only way to live your most authentic life. Anything else is irrelevant. And while outside voices can offer guidance and perspective, true clarity comes from within.

When you get clear on exactly the kind of life you want for yourself, these decisions become easier to make. One key element of getting there, is being able to sift through all of the things our minds tell us in order to keep us safe and comfortable. But this is a false sense of safety that our mind creates in order to keep us where we are— stuck. Stuck in the same place, living a life that feels both foreign and familiar at the same time. Stuck in a complacent version of yourself that you and all your friends have grown tired of listening to. It disregards growth and the highest version of yourself that is waiting for you on the other side. It holds us back and ultimately, breeds a feeling of deep-seated unhappiness. What causes us the most stress and suffering is when we know what we should do but we avoid doing it. I can’t tell you how many people I know who are stuck in unhappy situations because they’re afraid to make a choice. They stay unhappy because it feels more bearable than discomfort. But sitting in this discomfort is exactly what is needed to pull yourself out of stagnant situations and choose yourself. When you’re able to decipher what the answer is and quiet all of the noise, that is the sweet spot. It’s where the magic happens, where you start to transform and feel a visceral shift within yourself.

At a certain point, when you avoid making the tough decisions and linger in uncertainty, you are ultimately betraying yourself by going against everything you know to be true and right. It feels as though everything you want in life is passing you by, like you’re in the wrong movie and don’t know how to get out of it. And sometimes, no matter how overwhelming the feeling of desperation is, you will continue to avoid the uncomfortable choices until eventually, you no longer recognize yourself. But don’t forget that indecision is a decision, and by not choosing, you are making a choice.

Here are some things that have helped me tune into my inner voice:

• Therapy. This one is obvious, but I find that a lot of people don’t make the best use of having a therapist. Sure, meeting with someone once a week to talk about your problems is healthy. But the real work is done outside of these sessions. If you’re not actively participating in undoing old patterns and changing your behavior on a day to day basis, therapy is not going to do much for you. After all, they’re only therapists, not magicians.

• Podcasts and books. If you can’t afford therapy, there is a plethora of free resources out there that are sometimes just as helpful as having your own therapist. I can’t stress enough how helpful podcasts and books have been in my self development journey. My favorite podcasts include School of Greatness by Lewis Howes, On Purpose by Jay Shetty, and anything with Esther Perel, Eckhart Tolle or Joe Dispenza.

  Some of my favorite self development books include Think Like a Monk, The Mastery of Self, The Four Agreements, The Mastery of Love, Think Again, Start with Why, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, The Alchemist, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, The Power of Now, The Laws of Human Nature and The Creative Act.

• Talking to friends. I find that a lot of people don’t ever really open up to their closest circle, and they tend to keep things pretty surface level. It can be hard to let people in and share your deepest insecurities and fears, and being vulnerable is not easy for most. But often times, your friends know you better than your own family, because it’s who you spend the most time with. Use them as a sounding board to bounce thoughts off of, whether or not they can give you advice, talking through whatever we’re going through can help make things clearer to ourselves.

• Journaling. I love love love journaling. I try to do it a few times a week, it doesn’t have to be long or detailed, it can be as simple as an incoherent stream of thoughts. I like to especially journal during the bigger moments of my life, or when I’m feeling hyper-emotional. I like to go back and look at old journal entries and see what I was feeling or thinking during a particular moment in my life. It helps bring a sense of perspective that can be very helpful.

Perhaps the scariest thing about change is trusting in the future that you cannot see. There is an immense fear in the unknown, and the saying goes that the devil you know is better than the one you don’t. But avoiding decision in order to stay in the comfort of misery is like staying inside of a burning building— eventually it will destroy you. I can assure you though, 10 times out of 10, the other side is better than the one you’re on.